Listed Version 2.3
1. When eating chocolate cake, I have a craving for lemonade
2. I have to move my feet around to the cool spots in the sheets and flip my pillow over several times before I can sleep.
3. My family is against me getting a new dog – I am taking The boyfriend to go look at one I fell in love with at the Shelter on Sunday.
4. I turn 21 in a month. I went to eat at a bar the other day with my dad and stepmother. They made us move to the family room, where you can’t smoke. My dad commented that we were in “the butthole of the bar”. – Pretty funny stuff coming from your father.
5.I have a brilliant idea for a book. (More details to come later)
6.The puppy that I do not have yet, is tentatively named Nesta.
7.I have lost the inspiration to blog or at least blog something interesting or amusing.
8.Whoever reads this must send me neat things for my birthday. (Cash is accepted)
9.I slept for an hour at work today. – I was paid for that hour.
10.The director of “What Dreams may Come” emailed me back and shattered my hope of the story being based on actual events. But I still hope to correspond with the famous director/producer. Maybe, he will think my life deserves to be made into a movie. Which will ultimately be a Dark Comedy starring Angelina Jolie and Christoper Walken.
Friday, June 27
Saturday, June 21
When Dreams May Come Alive.
The Boyfriend says I need to write. He surprised me last night, telling me he wishes I would write more. I think I will try to. I didn’t know it mattered to him.
I let go just a tiny bit last night - it surprised me. I didn’t know I could (or allow myself) with him.
He knows of my phobia and fear of death. Well, I suppose it is not so much death. It is the not knowing of what happens after you die. My worst fear that I can fathom would be to die and become nothing. To lose your own sense of self, your memories, and thoughts.
He told me a couple of months ago we should watch What Dreams May Come. I have been avoiding this movie for 4 years and last night we watched it. He has also read the book and commented on how incredible it was for him.
It will seem silly to you now - how a movie can affect someone to the point that they think their life has changed. It was not just the movie though. It was the thought behind the movie. It was the message that hit me with a resounding Peace. It was the fact that he wanted me to see it because he knew. He knew it would help me along with my struggle to face life.
I emailed the Producer of the movie today. Stephen Simon. I wanted to know some basics about how this story evolved. I hope he replies.
The Boyfriend says I need to write. He surprised me last night, telling me he wishes I would write more. I think I will try to. I didn’t know it mattered to him.
I let go just a tiny bit last night - it surprised me. I didn’t know I could (or allow myself) with him.
He knows of my phobia and fear of death. Well, I suppose it is not so much death. It is the not knowing of what happens after you die. My worst fear that I can fathom would be to die and become nothing. To lose your own sense of self, your memories, and thoughts.
He told me a couple of months ago we should watch What Dreams May Come. I have been avoiding this movie for 4 years and last night we watched it. He has also read the book and commented on how incredible it was for him.
It will seem silly to you now - how a movie can affect someone to the point that they think their life has changed. It was not just the movie though. It was the thought behind the movie. It was the message that hit me with a resounding Peace. It was the fact that he wanted me to see it because he knew. He knew it would help me along with my struggle to face life.
I emailed the Producer of the movie today. Stephen Simon. I wanted to know some basics about how this story evolved. I hope he replies.
Friday, June 20
Happy Birthday Jess!
Yes, you turn 21 today.
It all starts when you wait to turn 13, then you can’t wait to turn 16, then its 18, and finally you can’t wait to turn 20 effin 1. It is all down hill now love. Congratulations!
It really is sad that you turn 21 earlier than I do. Now you have to face the earth shattering reality that you will not have the privilege of going to the bars with ME on your virginized night out. It is ok, I am sure you will have a mediocre time with someone else.
We went to Elementary School together, I nicknamed you Buffy - I really can’t recall why. You were the first girl in the class to have pubic hair and boobs (not to mention the fist one to tease your hair and tight roll your jeans). In Junior High you were the first of us to have sex and an older boyfriend. This is around the time where we drifted; you became part of the “in” crowd because you ‘gave it up’. Then in high school we were in the same World Civics class and you re-realized how cool I was again. Directly out of High School you lived with me in my first apartment. Oh how lovely it was to have 5-7 people in a one-bedroom apartment at all times (plus an albino ferret named Tenshi). We drank and did all kinds of drugs every night. The police were called on us daily. It was a very good thing that the cop had a crush on my mother. Then…we moved on. Two years later we both had beautiful little boys. We became young (very unplanned) mothers. We now had to grow up.
So these days we chat on the phone about how much our lives are a bore and occasionally we get together. Our babies have playtime together, we let them run naked in the hose outside, looking very white trash-ish. But hey, anything that makes them happy and not WHINING. We love our babies and their little sloppy kisses. We hate our bodies and stretch marks. We do not like sex all that much anymore and we laugh at how sexually frustrated our significant others get. One thing has constantly stayed the same through the entire time - We can still make each other laugh until we pee and we still have had the innate way of understanding each other.
I love you ! xoxooxxo Have a WONDERFUL and SLAP STICK DRUNK day.
Yes, you turn 21 today.
It all starts when you wait to turn 13, then you can’t wait to turn 16, then its 18, and finally you can’t wait to turn 20 effin 1. It is all down hill now love. Congratulations!
It really is sad that you turn 21 earlier than I do. Now you have to face the earth shattering reality that you will not have the privilege of going to the bars with ME on your virginized night out. It is ok, I am sure you will have a mediocre time with someone else.
We went to Elementary School together, I nicknamed you Buffy - I really can’t recall why. You were the first girl in the class to have pubic hair and boobs (not to mention the fist one to tease your hair and tight roll your jeans). In Junior High you were the first of us to have sex and an older boyfriend. This is around the time where we drifted; you became part of the “in” crowd because you ‘gave it up’. Then in high school we were in the same World Civics class and you re-realized how cool I was again. Directly out of High School you lived with me in my first apartment. Oh how lovely it was to have 5-7 people in a one-bedroom apartment at all times (plus an albino ferret named Tenshi). We drank and did all kinds of drugs every night. The police were called on us daily. It was a very good thing that the cop had a crush on my mother. Then…we moved on. Two years later we both had beautiful little boys. We became young (very unplanned) mothers. We now had to grow up.
So these days we chat on the phone about how much our lives are a bore and occasionally we get together. Our babies have playtime together, we let them run naked in the hose outside, looking very white trash-ish. But hey, anything that makes them happy and not WHINING. We love our babies and their little sloppy kisses. We hate our bodies and stretch marks. We do not like sex all that much anymore and we laugh at how sexually frustrated our significant others get. One thing has constantly stayed the same through the entire time - We can still make each other laugh until we pee and we still have had the innate way of understanding each other.
I love you ! xoxooxxo Have a WONDERFUL and SLAP STICK DRUNK day.
Saturday, June 14
Signs of the End
Seasons are changing, Wars are abundant (especially in the ‘Holy Land’), incurable diseases are spreading, and humanity has long since been faltering - And now this.
I am a worrier; this is what I do best. It doesn’t help that this sort of thing has been predicted for years (and just about every new year there is some hype of the new year being the ‘one’.) Nostradamas and Revelations both talk of these events leading up to Armageddon or ‘judgment day’. Now, I don’t know how reputable either of these sources are but I do know the planet can not exist forever. It is just not probable. It is just the matter when it will cease to exist that worries me.
(upon looking up information on this subject I stummbled across this site - which really kind of disturbed me. ) Oh so lovely...
Seasons are changing, Wars are abundant (especially in the ‘Holy Land’), incurable diseases are spreading, and humanity has long since been faltering - And now this.
I am a worrier; this is what I do best. It doesn’t help that this sort of thing has been predicted for years (and just about every new year there is some hype of the new year being the ‘one’.) Nostradamas and Revelations both talk of these events leading up to Armageddon or ‘judgment day’. Now, I don’t know how reputable either of these sources are but I do know the planet can not exist forever. It is just not probable. It is just the matter when it will cease to exist that worries me.
(upon looking up information on this subject I stummbled across this site - which really kind of disturbed me. ) Oh so lovely...
Thursday, June 12
ET can go right back home
I came home from work one day with this on my computer. Apparently, the boyfriend thought we needed an ‘at home’ tool to help scientists and researchers search for Extraterrestrial life. Now, if I even see the cover art for an alien movie (especially fire in the sky – which I have not and never will see) I will have traumatic nightmares followed by nights lying awake with fear that comes a close second to paralysis. So he is gone one Friday night and I am lying on the couch just lounging and relaxing. The ET screen saver thing comes up and it looks like it normally does. Then the little radio waves start going berserk and the screen starts acting funny. I thought I was going to pee right then and there. Evidently the computer just locked up or there was a bug in the program. I still won’t let him put the thing back up on screen saver mode though…it frightens me.
I came home from work one day with this on my computer. Apparently, the boyfriend thought we needed an ‘at home’ tool to help scientists and researchers search for Extraterrestrial life. Now, if I even see the cover art for an alien movie (especially fire in the sky – which I have not and never will see) I will have traumatic nightmares followed by nights lying awake with fear that comes a close second to paralysis. So he is gone one Friday night and I am lying on the couch just lounging and relaxing. The ET screen saver thing comes up and it looks like it normally does. Then the little radio waves start going berserk and the screen starts acting funny. I thought I was going to pee right then and there. Evidently the computer just locked up or there was a bug in the program. I still won’t let him put the thing back up on screen saver mode though…it frightens me.
Tuesday, June 10
duck and run
The boyfriend and I were in Walmart the other day. We really didn’t have a purpose for going, I think he needed socks. Anyway, we found ourselves in the toy section and we started browsing for new trinkets for Tristen. A girl walks by with a (live) baby duck in her arms. I melt and turn instantly my eyes locked onto them. I ran after her and reached out without asking and pet the ‘lil duck, nearly saturating them with Elmira-esk drool. I asked her what she was doing with it and she said it just claimed her and that if she leaves it at home it will ‘scream’. I nod still petting it and she (nicely) moves away and continues on. I am heartbroken.
I am now prepared to leap over stands of over-sized bouncy balls and over priced Elmo dolls to dive tackle this girl and steal her baby duck.
The boyfriend asks me what else I want before we leave. I fume and pout and whine. “I want a damn baby duck” I am ever so serious.
We leave the store, no new baby duck, and outside of Walmart there is a pond where one can often see ducks swimming in the highly polluted water. I imagined myself out there and stumbling across a lone baby duckling that instantly needs my love and aid. Yes, I would save it from the wrath of the cruel word. I would mother it and buy a large purse and take it with me to work and let everyone gush over how odd and sweet it is.
“What are you thinking about?” the boyfriend asks as we drive out of town. “I want a baby duck.” I say rather harshly and upset. He sighs. I just know he is wondering how long it will take me to get off the baby duck idea.
The boyfriend and I were in Walmart the other day. We really didn’t have a purpose for going, I think he needed socks. Anyway, we found ourselves in the toy section and we started browsing for new trinkets for Tristen. A girl walks by with a (live) baby duck in her arms. I melt and turn instantly my eyes locked onto them. I ran after her and reached out without asking and pet the ‘lil duck, nearly saturating them with Elmira-esk drool. I asked her what she was doing with it and she said it just claimed her and that if she leaves it at home it will ‘scream’. I nod still petting it and she (nicely) moves away and continues on. I am heartbroken.
I am now prepared to leap over stands of over-sized bouncy balls and over priced Elmo dolls to dive tackle this girl and steal her baby duck.
The boyfriend asks me what else I want before we leave. I fume and pout and whine. “I want a damn baby duck” I am ever so serious.
We leave the store, no new baby duck, and outside of Walmart there is a pond where one can often see ducks swimming in the highly polluted water. I imagined myself out there and stumbling across a lone baby duckling that instantly needs my love and aid. Yes, I would save it from the wrath of the cruel word. I would mother it and buy a large purse and take it with me to work and let everyone gush over how odd and sweet it is.
“What are you thinking about?” the boyfriend asks as we drive out of town. “I want a baby duck.” I say rather harshly and upset. He sighs. I just know he is wondering how long it will take me to get off the baby duck idea.
Saturday, June 7
just so i can have the satisfaction of knowing I posted something this week...
if you get bored...read this...it is funny/interesting. (true porn clerk stories)
if you get bored...read this...it is funny/interesting. (true porn clerk stories)
Sunday, June 1
Hi, I am HIV Positive…wanna fuck?
I mistakenly went out to a small get together last night.
Shortly after arriving, fellow partygoers were gathering in the living room preparing to watch a short video. The viewing of said video was halted when we walked in…there are more people now…must get more beer. So, it was off to the nearest liquor store and then a quick trip to the VP for some Styrofoam cups – the room was now sparsely occupied with a few people awaiting their drunkenness. Upon their absence the video was anxiously waiting to be played – it started without them.
Now before the play button was pushed my boyfriend had asked very apprehensively if this video had anything sexual in it. (We had previous knowledge of a certain distasteful video being passed around and we weren’t about to sit and watch it) The owner and maker of said video said with a greasy smile “not really” or something to the extent of “not that bad”.
I didn’t watch the entire video.
The first thing you hear is Nine Inch Nails and it cuts into a negative scene of two people on a bed proactively rubbing each other, specifically the guy rubbing his penis on/in the woman. With lyrics blaring in the background " i am every fucking thing and just a little more
i sold my soul but don't you dare call me a whore
and when i suck you off not a drop will go to waste
it's really not so bad you know once you get past the taste “
It seemed like hours before I could get up – maybe I sat there for an entire minute before I fled to the porch for a cigarette along with another distraught friend. Shortly after my boyfriend comes in with this look of disgust and anger dripping off his face. “What else was on the tape?”, I had to ask…I didn’t really want to know, but then again I really did.
Now before I spew the rest of the story, let me just give you the reason why we were all freaked out and in shock. It is not that we are anti-porn or anti seeing naked people in a fucked up video. The cruelty and pure disgusting truth of the situation is that the maker/director/star of this video had confided in my boyfriend that he had recently tested positive for HIV.
“So…what else was on the video?”, I was starring at him already half sick to my stomach. “He had a white tank top on with big black letters on the front H I V and he turns around and there is a big positive sign – He was proud of the fact he may have just given this girl HIV.”
There are other videos I am a sure, other woman, other lives being ruined.
OH MY GOD. What can I DO?
I have had some very tough issues about writing this and posting this story. 1. I am now putting myself in/or having something to do with the situation. 2. Obviously this guy has some major issues and may just be a little insane 3. I do not want to put my family in jeopardy for sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. 4. I am sure many people will wish I hadn’t.
I don’t think I can allow myself to be censored on this. No. I won’t. I am positive people will not appreciate my large obtrusive mouth. I don’t care. This is wrong and I am not about to sit back and let everyone think it is OK.
I mistakenly went out to a small get together last night.
Shortly after arriving, fellow partygoers were gathering in the living room preparing to watch a short video. The viewing of said video was halted when we walked in…there are more people now…must get more beer. So, it was off to the nearest liquor store and then a quick trip to the VP for some Styrofoam cups – the room was now sparsely occupied with a few people awaiting their drunkenness. Upon their absence the video was anxiously waiting to be played – it started without them.
Now before the play button was pushed my boyfriend had asked very apprehensively if this video had anything sexual in it. (We had previous knowledge of a certain distasteful video being passed around and we weren’t about to sit and watch it) The owner and maker of said video said with a greasy smile “not really” or something to the extent of “not that bad”.
I didn’t watch the entire video.
The first thing you hear is Nine Inch Nails and it cuts into a negative scene of two people on a bed proactively rubbing each other, specifically the guy rubbing his penis on/in the woman. With lyrics blaring in the background " i am every fucking thing and just a little more
i sold my soul but don't you dare call me a whore
and when i suck you off not a drop will go to waste
it's really not so bad you know once you get past the taste “
It seemed like hours before I could get up – maybe I sat there for an entire minute before I fled to the porch for a cigarette along with another distraught friend. Shortly after my boyfriend comes in with this look of disgust and anger dripping off his face. “What else was on the tape?”, I had to ask…I didn’t really want to know, but then again I really did.
Now before I spew the rest of the story, let me just give you the reason why we were all freaked out and in shock. It is not that we are anti-porn or anti seeing naked people in a fucked up video. The cruelty and pure disgusting truth of the situation is that the maker/director/star of this video had confided in my boyfriend that he had recently tested positive for HIV.
“So…what else was on the video?”, I was starring at him already half sick to my stomach. “He had a white tank top on with big black letters on the front H I V and he turns around and there is a big positive sign – He was proud of the fact he may have just given this girl HIV.”
There are other videos I am a sure, other woman, other lives being ruined.
OH MY GOD. What can I DO?
I have had some very tough issues about writing this and posting this story. 1. I am now putting myself in/or having something to do with the situation. 2. Obviously this guy has some major issues and may just be a little insane 3. I do not want to put my family in jeopardy for sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. 4. I am sure many people will wish I hadn’t.
I don’t think I can allow myself to be censored on this. No. I won’t. I am positive people will not appreciate my large obtrusive mouth. I don’t care. This is wrong and I am not about to sit back and let everyone think it is OK.