hello again.
Just letting you all know that I will be back in business on Wednesay. The phone company is coming out to hook up my phone and I get to try out AOHELL. blah. Its better than nothing though.
Stay Warm!
xoxoxoxo
Thanks for all of your support through this tough time as well.
Saturday, January 31
Thursday, January 29
Domestic Violence version 2
I threw the now ex fiance/boyfriend's stuff out in the snow, making sure not to be gentle with his beloved playstation. He is lucky I didn't burn it all. I know its such a cliche ghetto-ish act, But it really does make a girl feel good. No man is ever going to hit me again...This is the second incident and it ends here. I won't have bruises and I won't have my son witness violence anymore. I know they will do more to him in basic than what he did to me and somehow I get a nice little piece of satisfaction. WhooooHaaaa.
*********
Mr. Guy stayed over last night. He confessed he wanted his own little space in the blog world. I told him I would gladly help him out.
Come on guy bare you soul to strangers, it is fun. (granted I can't guarantee that you will have readership, it is fairly hard to come by with all the competition of blogs and journals out there.)
************
Well Shakespeare, keep in touch and you may just have to come down for a visit, seeing as I am still unemployed.
I threw the now ex fiance/boyfriend's stuff out in the snow, making sure not to be gentle with his beloved playstation. He is lucky I didn't burn it all. I know its such a cliche ghetto-ish act, But it really does make a girl feel good. No man is ever going to hit me again...This is the second incident and it ends here. I won't have bruises and I won't have my son witness violence anymore. I know they will do more to him in basic than what he did to me and somehow I get a nice little piece of satisfaction. WhooooHaaaa.
*********
Mr. Guy stayed over last night. He confessed he wanted his own little space in the blog world. I told him I would gladly help him out.
Come on guy bare you soul to strangers, it is fun. (granted I can't guarantee that you will have readership, it is fairly hard to come by with all the competition of blogs and journals out there.)
************
Well Shakespeare, keep in touch and you may just have to come down for a visit, seeing as I am still unemployed.
Tuesday, January 27
I miss me. I have been this horrible lump of depression lately.
Contrary to popular belief I don't think I am getting married.
My son's father is leaving in april to join the army for 6 years. Basically, my son won't see his father for six years. here we go all over again - T and I trying to make our life together. I have faith that we will be ok. I just wish I could spare him the pain of missing his dad. Some people can't think of anything but running away. And running away is what they always do. How lovely, he doesn't grow up, he just gets more clever at hiding it.
I love bringing T over to Jess's. It is a nice change to get out of the house and go play at her's. la la la.
love me - someone. :)
Contrary to popular belief I don't think I am getting married.
My son's father is leaving in april to join the army for 6 years. Basically, my son won't see his father for six years. here we go all over again - T and I trying to make our life together. I have faith that we will be ok. I just wish I could spare him the pain of missing his dad. Some people can't think of anything but running away. And running away is what they always do. How lovely, he doesn't grow up, he just gets more clever at hiding it.
I love bringing T over to Jess's. It is a nice change to get out of the house and go play at her's. la la la.
love me - someone. :)
Monday, January 26
blog break
In case you haven't noticed, I am not able to blog on a regular basis. I will take a short break (probably a week) and be up and blogging again in the near future. Take care, and be prepare for a long post about how discriminatory the army is when I get back.
xoxoxoxo
P.s. Griffen - are you still there?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Just for shits and giggles here are the last 10 searches that have lead random people to my site:
1. Songs that have to do with being alone now that you and your ex broke up - (Yes I know plenty of them - being depressed and staying that way is my specialty) {google}
2. womens pubic hair designs - you will not find my own designs posted on here...I may talk about strange ones I have heard about...really I dont know how this showed up. (honest) {Msn}
3. hitler'sbirthday wasn't it the 27th of something? {yahoo}
4. Victor Motus (a guy who apparently killed himself while taking prozac) {google}
5. You can tumble in it, Roll in it, Burn it, Animals eat it (ok this is a riddle and apparently someone is very stupid for not knowing the answer. (its hay) {google}
6. make my boobs grow - hello - don't expect me to give you the answers, I prayed for mine. Thats all you can do girls. {yahoo}
7. I want to find a girl to make me cookies - *ahem* I am not that kind of girl {google}
8. I gave bra to my son - well well well....some mothers really do want their children to experience everything. {google}
9. Amy Lee foot fetish - hmmm. I love them both. {google}
10. sleep vs. sex - let me reiterate. It will always be sex. {google}
In case you haven't noticed, I am not able to blog on a regular basis. I will take a short break (probably a week) and be up and blogging again in the near future. Take care, and be prepare for a long post about how discriminatory the army is when I get back.
xoxoxoxo
P.s. Griffen - are you still there?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Just for shits and giggles here are the last 10 searches that have lead random people to my site:
1. Songs that have to do with being alone now that you and your ex broke up - (Yes I know plenty of them - being depressed and staying that way is my specialty) {google}
2. womens pubic hair designs - you will not find my own designs posted on here...I may talk about strange ones I have heard about...really I dont know how this showed up. (honest) {Msn}
3. hitler'sbirthday wasn't it the 27th of something? {yahoo}
4. Victor Motus (a guy who apparently killed himself while taking prozac) {google}
5. You can tumble in it, Roll in it, Burn it, Animals eat it (ok this is a riddle and apparently someone is very stupid for not knowing the answer. (its hay) {google}
6. make my boobs grow - hello - don't expect me to give you the answers, I prayed for mine. Thats all you can do girls. {yahoo}
7. I want to find a girl to make me cookies - *ahem* I am not that kind of girl {google}
8. I gave bra to my son - well well well....some mothers really do want their children to experience everything. {google}
9. Amy Lee foot fetish - hmmm. I love them both. {google}
10. sleep vs. sex - let me reiterate. It will always be sex. {google}
Friday, January 23
internet blues
I miss blogging, I miss Jake, I miss Dale, I miss all my internet people.
Soon, oh very soon, I will get a phone and online access.
~~~~
The fiance came home today. He is now enlisted in the army for six years. He is taking a career in satellite communications. Whooohooo. Top secret stuff, is always fun. He scored really high on his test that he had to take and impressed a bunch of people. *winks* good job honey. Now just convince the government to set up base in Ireland so we can move there.
I miss blogging, I miss Jake, I miss Dale, I miss all my internet people.
Soon, oh very soon, I will get a phone and online access.
~~~~
The fiance came home today. He is now enlisted in the army for six years. He is taking a career in satellite communications. Whooohooo. Top secret stuff, is always fun. He scored really high on his test that he had to take and impressed a bunch of people. *winks* good job honey. Now just convince the government to set up base in Ireland so we can move there.
Thursday, January 22
blah effin blah
Hello from the bottom of the ocean.
I am in a horrible mood. Not to mention drowning isn't all that pleasant either.
*****
My fiance left today to go down to Indy. There he will enlist into the army. I hate the fact that not only can the army control him for two years, but can control Tristen and I. I do think we will get a lot of benefits from this though. I just hope they are more than the consequences. If he gets stationed in Korea I am going to kick some army sergeant's ass. -- well probably not, but they will at least get a hateful letter.
Oh the things we do to have a 'good' life.
Hello from the bottom of the ocean.
I am in a horrible mood. Not to mention drowning isn't all that pleasant either.
*****
My fiance left today to go down to Indy. There he will enlist into the army. I hate the fact that not only can the army control him for two years, but can control Tristen and I. I do think we will get a lot of benefits from this though. I just hope they are more than the consequences. If he gets stationed in Korea I am going to kick some army sergeant's ass. -- well probably not, but they will at least get a hateful letter.
Oh the things we do to have a 'good' life.
Tuesday, January 20
Friday, January 16
Still sealed
Ok so my thoughts with Sylvia Plath and her work are now bordering on obsession. I don't know if some of my own thoughts and desire to write mirror hers...But it seems like a distant echo. I have another new wave of wired sleeping habits. I cannot seem to stay awake for very long during the day. I have to take naps every couple of hours and I become extremely tired and cranky. When midnight rolls around I climb into bed, welcoming my precious sleep and ......Dun dun dun....It doesn't happen. I toss and turn, and put on lotion, different pjs, flip the pillow over several times, anything to help me fall asleep. Nope. Not going to happen. So now I kind of do have insomnia, but just the vampire kind.
Depression. Yes. Sylvia, I know how you feel. Staring up at the ceiling of a glass jar, watching other people stare in and watch you. Lovely - I know.
My favorite part of the book is when her mother visits her in the asylum and hands her a dozen red roses and "Ester" gives them back to her mother and says, "Save them for my funeral". DAMN that's a great little scene, it hit me like a punch in the face.
Well.....Time for me to go lay down and stare at a ceiling, laying next to my boyfriend who is very frustrated and angry with me at the moment. La la la la.
Cynthia and I are meeting on Saturday. She used to be my writing professor, but she also has a PhD in psychology. She says it all comes down to Maslow (well not all, but she said it is a prime example in my case) - my security is breached so I must dive into self actualization (writing) to escape from that insecurity. Anyway, I asked her to give me some writing assignments because the need to write and write WELL is becoming overwhelming.
Truly, I love being me.
P.s. Is the background to the post part of my blog a transparent white or a solid white? I have trouble reading it on my computer because it is transparent but I noticed on Jess's computer it was solid white. You guys let me know if you have trouble reading the posts.
Ok so my thoughts with Sylvia Plath and her work are now bordering on obsession. I don't know if some of my own thoughts and desire to write mirror hers...But it seems like a distant echo. I have another new wave of wired sleeping habits. I cannot seem to stay awake for very long during the day. I have to take naps every couple of hours and I become extremely tired and cranky. When midnight rolls around I climb into bed, welcoming my precious sleep and ......Dun dun dun....It doesn't happen. I toss and turn, and put on lotion, different pjs, flip the pillow over several times, anything to help me fall asleep. Nope. Not going to happen. So now I kind of do have insomnia, but just the vampire kind.
Depression. Yes. Sylvia, I know how you feel. Staring up at the ceiling of a glass jar, watching other people stare in and watch you. Lovely - I know.
My favorite part of the book is when her mother visits her in the asylum and hands her a dozen red roses and "Ester" gives them back to her mother and says, "Save them for my funeral". DAMN that's a great little scene, it hit me like a punch in the face.
Well.....Time for me to go lay down and stare at a ceiling, laying next to my boyfriend who is very frustrated and angry with me at the moment. La la la la.
Cynthia and I are meeting on Saturday. She used to be my writing professor, but she also has a PhD in psychology. She says it all comes down to Maslow (well not all, but she said it is a prime example in my case) - my security is breached so I must dive into self actualization (writing) to escape from that insecurity. Anyway, I asked her to give me some writing assignments because the need to write and write WELL is becoming overwhelming.
Truly, I love being me.
P.s. Is the background to the post part of my blog a transparent white or a solid white? I have trouble reading it on my computer because it is transparent but I noticed on Jess's computer it was solid white. You guys let me know if you have trouble reading the posts.
Thursday, January 15
Wednesday, January 14
Tuesday, January 13
Saturday, January 10
who am I?
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
Take Free Enneagram Personality Test
I think I have done this before, but I was browsing Jakes site and decided to do it again. la la la
Conscious self | Overall self |
 |  |
| Enneagram Test Results
Your Unconscious-Overall type is 5w6 |
I think I have done this before, but I was browsing Jakes site and decided to do it again. la la la
sealed up in the bell jar.
This is what hell must be like, she thought as she rolled over. Her feet restlessly moved over the thin cotton sheet trying adamantly to find that comforting cool spot. She kicked the blanket off of her restless body with a frustrated sigh. She stared at the fan in the darkness. The cool oscillating air seemed to hit an imaginary glass wall just as it was about to lavish over her feverish skin. She coughed; dry grass seemed to scrape down her windpipe and to her lungs. I am never smoking again. It has been five years and I still haven’t quit. I will probably die of cancer within the next two. She flipped the pillow over needing the cool cotton of the other side to give her sympathy. The pillow just laughed at her, and sent a wave of angry unforgiving heat to her flushed cheek. She coughed again, the fear of cancer resounded loud and clear in those brown and decaying lungs of hers. She rolled over on her back and stared up at the ceiling. Her eyes played devilish tricks on her as the heated blanket of Closter phobia set in.
I hate that I read Sylvia Plath before trying to sleep. This above is a description of my last 5 mins. Oh joyous and peaceful night – here I come.
Then again, I have always secretly hoped to become an insomniac. It thrills me to want to never sleep, as opposed to my current problem of sleeping constantly. Give me 18 hours…I won’t do something productive. Guaranteed I will sleep it away. Jess says I am sleeping my life away. Funny, a billion other people have told me that too. I went to the doctor for it, and they told me I had Narcolepsy. Somehow I don’t think is quite right, I don’t think I have normal or healthy sleeping habits but I do not think it is Narcolepsy. Somehow though I am proud that I am up this late tonight. Perhaps I can will myself into insomnia. Perhaps I can gain back all the hours and days of sleep I have already wasted. Please – insomnia fairy come and visit me so I can be productive and do laundry, clean house, be up before the last absolutely necessary minuet!?
This is what hell must be like, she thought as she rolled over. Her feet restlessly moved over the thin cotton sheet trying adamantly to find that comforting cool spot. She kicked the blanket off of her restless body with a frustrated sigh. She stared at the fan in the darkness. The cool oscillating air seemed to hit an imaginary glass wall just as it was about to lavish over her feverish skin. She coughed; dry grass seemed to scrape down her windpipe and to her lungs. I am never smoking again. It has been five years and I still haven’t quit. I will probably die of cancer within the next two. She flipped the pillow over needing the cool cotton of the other side to give her sympathy. The pillow just laughed at her, and sent a wave of angry unforgiving heat to her flushed cheek. She coughed again, the fear of cancer resounded loud and clear in those brown and decaying lungs of hers. She rolled over on her back and stared up at the ceiling. Her eyes played devilish tricks on her as the heated blanket of Closter phobia set in.
I hate that I read Sylvia Plath before trying to sleep. This above is a description of my last 5 mins. Oh joyous and peaceful night – here I come.
Then again, I have always secretly hoped to become an insomniac. It thrills me to want to never sleep, as opposed to my current problem of sleeping constantly. Give me 18 hours…I won’t do something productive. Guaranteed I will sleep it away. Jess says I am sleeping my life away. Funny, a billion other people have told me that too. I went to the doctor for it, and they told me I had Narcolepsy. Somehow I don’t think is quite right, I don’t think I have normal or healthy sleeping habits but I do not think it is Narcolepsy. Somehow though I am proud that I am up this late tonight. Perhaps I can will myself into insomnia. Perhaps I can gain back all the hours and days of sleep I have already wasted. Please – insomnia fairy come and visit me so I can be productive and do laundry, clean house, be up before the last absolutely necessary minuet!?
Wednesday, January 7
you searched for what?
Here is a list of some (strange) people that have found my little blog due to their search inquiry.
14 Dec, Sun, 13:15:01 Yahoo: TOOL back stage passes
18 Dec, Thu, 18:15:13 Google: amy lee smoke
25 Dec, Thu, 04:01:51 Google: Apophatic
28 Dec, Sun, 15:24:29 Google: groupie maynard (well i wouldn't call myself a groupie, I have never met the guy...but hey label away.)
29 Dec, Mon, 15:18:07 Google: sex (and who doesn't do a sex search at one point and time?)
31 Dec, Wed, 00:15:06 Yahoo: husband fucks babysitter confessions (now i really would like to read some of these, I smell a new idea for a book?)
02 Jan, Fri, 00:44:20 Google: lyndsay (oh I wonder how many other "lyndsays" came up on that search)
02 Jan, Fri, 04:17:14 Yahoo: stop being immature
02 Jan, Fri, 10:48:47 Yahoo: Saw Jeordie White (yes, yes I did)
03 Jan, Sat, 07:31:04 Google: "red team" + hiv
03 Jan, Sat, 20:04:17 Google: do you want to find me for sex? (never underestimate horny people)
03 Jan, Sat, 23:29:26 Google: Would you believe Love from 20 years ago
04 Jan, Sun, 18:15:26 Yahoo: stepmom fucking step kid (does this happen on a regular basis)
05 Jan, Mon, 06:11:50 MSN Search: evanecence (my new obsession.)
05 Jan, Mon, 12:15:13 MSN Search: miss ugly 2004 (how this came up referring to this site - I have no clue)
06 Jan, Tue, 01:56:46 Google: end of world meteor (see people, I am not the only one who worries!)
07 Jan, Wed, 00:15:38 Google: tool fansite (my old obsession)
07 Jan, Wed, 00:29:13 Google: motion-sickness 2004 me took (?)
Oh my, I love my little tracker. It gives so much information. People really do search for all kinds of things. Hmm....My personal favorite: Dec 31st inquiry.
******
Well second day on the Job, I was fired for being too agressive. Damn. First fired for being too nice THEN fired for being too agressive, jesus people, make up your damn mind.
********
Oh yes, on the way home today, The boyfriend was following behind me in the car and he would call me on his cell and tell me to turn to a certain radio station then he would mysteriously hang up - The little romantic. There would be mushy love songs on the stations he told me to turn to. He started dancing; swerving, and playing air drums...I scanned through the stations to see if I could guess what song he was listening to. Ends up, I was right, it had to be Foxy Lady. *wink*
Here is a list of some (strange) people that have found my little blog due to their search inquiry.
14 Dec, Sun, 13:15:01 Yahoo: TOOL back stage passes
18 Dec, Thu, 18:15:13 Google: amy lee smoke
25 Dec, Thu, 04:01:51 Google: Apophatic
28 Dec, Sun, 15:24:29 Google: groupie maynard (well i wouldn't call myself a groupie, I have never met the guy...but hey label away.)
29 Dec, Mon, 15:18:07 Google: sex (and who doesn't do a sex search at one point and time?)
31 Dec, Wed, 00:15:06 Yahoo: husband fucks babysitter confessions (now i really would like to read some of these, I smell a new idea for a book?)
02 Jan, Fri, 00:44:20 Google: lyndsay (oh I wonder how many other "lyndsays" came up on that search)
02 Jan, Fri, 04:17:14 Yahoo: stop being immature
02 Jan, Fri, 10:48:47 Yahoo: Saw Jeordie White (yes, yes I did)
03 Jan, Sat, 07:31:04 Google: "red team" + hiv
03 Jan, Sat, 20:04:17 Google: do you want to find me for sex? (never underestimate horny people)
03 Jan, Sat, 23:29:26 Google: Would you believe Love from 20 years ago
04 Jan, Sun, 18:15:26 Yahoo: stepmom fucking step kid (does this happen on a regular basis)
05 Jan, Mon, 06:11:50 MSN Search: evanecence (my new obsession.)
05 Jan, Mon, 12:15:13 MSN Search: miss ugly 2004 (how this came up referring to this site - I have no clue)
06 Jan, Tue, 01:56:46 Google: end of world meteor (see people, I am not the only one who worries!)
07 Jan, Wed, 00:15:38 Google: tool fansite (my old obsession)
07 Jan, Wed, 00:29:13 Google: motion-sickness 2004 me took (?)
Oh my, I love my little tracker. It gives so much information. People really do search for all kinds of things. Hmm....My personal favorite: Dec 31st inquiry.
******
Well second day on the Job, I was fired for being too agressive. Damn. First fired for being too nice THEN fired for being too agressive, jesus people, make up your damn mind.
********
Oh yes, on the way home today, The boyfriend was following behind me in the car and he would call me on his cell and tell me to turn to a certain radio station then he would mysteriously hang up - The little romantic. There would be mushy love songs on the stations he told me to turn to. He started dancing; swerving, and playing air drums...I scanned through the stations to see if I could guess what song he was listening to. Ends up, I was right, it had to be Foxy Lady. *wink*
Monday, January 5
Sunday, January 4
Survey says: (survey taken from Jess)
1) Using band names, spell out your name
Led zepplin
Yoni
Nine inch nails
Depeche mode
Snake river conspiracy
Ah-ha
Yorn, Pete
2) Have you ever had a song written about you?
Why yes, It was a spur of the moment song, being sang and a lovely piano accompaniment in the middle of a deserted church. It was a beautiful moment.
3) What song makes you cry?
That country song about 3 people dying in a bus accident, Passenger by the Deftones made me cry once, go rest high - vince gill, Moonlight Sonata will bring me to my knees, Street Spirit - Radiohead, and Roads - Portishead
4) What song makes you happy?
anything sad and depressing.
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? the sound of a fan
PT. II
a p p e a r a n c e
skipping this part
r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: no pants, I am actually in a towel. I like to drip dry.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Portishead, I typed it in the answer above and it made me want to listen to it.
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: sadness
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: beautiful and comforting rain
HOW ARE YOU? SNAP. I hate the how are you question.
d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: When I am in Chicago and in a taxi, yes. Spinning in office chairs will make me vomit.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: yes, many.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Sort of it has been a long and tedious path between my parents and I. On a scale of 1 to 10 I give them combined a 6.
LIKE TO DRIVE?:only if its a fast car with a cd player and kick ass stereo. I am set for days .
f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: I don't watch TV that much....but if I could I would watch the x-men for hours on end.
CONDITIONER: mmm biolage smells fantastic
BOOK: Just bought some books, the entire griffin and Sabine Trilogy (oh my), The monk, ummm a writers guide to ideas book too
MAGAZINE: Jess has me reading Jane, she gives me her old issues.
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Pepsi, mocha glaciers
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: its called Pink, shane invented it for me.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: sleep - I could sleep for 24 hours straight, I have before...Its a blast.
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Evanescence, Tool, Ben Harper, Depeche Mode, Portishead, blah blah blah
h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: mmhmmm. (doesn't everyone?)
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: I never snuck out of the house....I was so boring.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: No , remember my whole being naked issue?
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: yes (damn that simpson's episode)
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Yes with her permission, so it wasn't as exciting.
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: uh oh yeah, Jess, Lish and I would skip school to sleep and play on the internet. Wasn't that you Jess who always used to go to my aunts with me to go on the internet and talk to Jake?
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: nope, I get really hot in the bath or shower, so I can't stay in long, or I get claustrophobic, unless I take a cold shower (which I am very fond of)
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: well, I was part of the set design. I never had the guts to audition. My friend ended up getting the leading role, I was to chicken to try out for.
l o v e
BOYFRIEND: Yes I do.
GIRLFRIEND: No. I think he would be jealous.
SEXUALITY: always up for something.
CHILDREN: d yes, not to be bias, but he is the best kid ever
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: all of them except for 2.
BEEN HURT?: hurt, hurt? try bashed open with a pick axe and torn apart with malicious intent then being super glued back together with lies and pity.
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: Something I really can't mention. But yes, I do have one regret that I can think of. - little butterfly
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: yep. I believe my first boyfriend was someone I met a half an hour prior to our courtship.
r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yes (got I start tomorrow)
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: T broke the CD player on the stereo and on the computer, but I am still listening to portishead.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: the red crayon. Everyone wants the damn red crayon.
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: The boys, music, art, writing, words, a great hair cut, foot massage, chocolate
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST? Tristen, Nathan, Donna, Nick, Cynthia, Jake,Greg, and JESS - can't ever forget my BEST FRIEND JESS!!!!!!! o_O
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: i will illegally download. *nods*
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: See above list on who makes me the happiest.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: play with photoshop, write, color on the walls with T, sulk, have great sex, la la la...
w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
YOU CRIED: New Years Eve - told you New Years always freaks me out.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: a couple of weeks ago. Which reminds me I must write a few letters today.
YOU GOT E-MAIL: today. - damn spam mail.
THING YOU PURCHASED: printer and groceries
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: no idea.
y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
ABORTION: see previous post some where on this site.
TEENAGE SMOKING: against
SPICE GIRLS: who gives a shit?
DREAMS: mine are so messed up and vivid. I have about 4 different dreams a night. It really gets exhausting.
*******
ok this took about an hour. Yeah, I am definitely dry now - I can go put on some clothes and do some laundry. :(
1) Using band names, spell out your name
Led zepplin
Yoni
Nine inch nails
Depeche mode
Snake river conspiracy
Ah-ha
Yorn, Pete
2) Have you ever had a song written about you?
Why yes, It was a spur of the moment song, being sang and a lovely piano accompaniment in the middle of a deserted church. It was a beautiful moment.
3) What song makes you cry?
That country song about 3 people dying in a bus accident, Passenger by the Deftones made me cry once, go rest high - vince gill, Moonlight Sonata will bring me to my knees, Street Spirit - Radiohead, and Roads - Portishead
4) What song makes you happy?
anything sad and depressing.
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? the sound of a fan
PT. II
a p p e a r a n c e
skipping this part
r i g h t n o w
WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: no pants, I am actually in a towel. I like to drip dry.
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: Portishead, I typed it in the answer above and it made me want to listen to it.
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: sadness
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: beautiful and comforting rain
HOW ARE YOU? SNAP. I hate the how are you question.
d o y o u
GET MOTION SICKNESS?: When I am in Chicago and in a taxi, yes. Spinning in office chairs will make me vomit.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: yes, many.
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Sort of it has been a long and tedious path between my parents and I. On a scale of 1 to 10 I give them combined a 6.
LIKE TO DRIVE?:only if its a fast car with a cd player and kick ass stereo. I am set for days .
f a v o r i t e s
TV SHOW: I don't watch TV that much....but if I could I would watch the x-men for hours on end.
CONDITIONER: mmm biolage smells fantastic
BOOK: Just bought some books, the entire griffin and Sabine Trilogy (oh my), The monk, ummm a writers guide to ideas book too
MAGAZINE: Jess has me reading Jane, she gives me her old issues.
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Pepsi, mocha glaciers
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: its called Pink, shane invented it for me.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: sleep - I could sleep for 24 hours straight, I have before...Its a blast.
BAND OR GROUP or SINGER or RAPPER: Evanescence, Tool, Ben Harper, Depeche Mode, Portishead, blah blah blah
h a v e y o u
BROKEN THE LAW: mmhmmm. (doesn't everyone?)
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: I never snuck out of the house....I was so boring.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: No , remember my whole being naked issue?
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: yes (damn that simpson's episode)
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: Yes with her permission, so it wasn't as exciting.
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: uh oh yeah, Jess, Lish and I would skip school to sleep and play on the internet. Wasn't that you Jess who always used to go to my aunts with me to go on the internet and talk to Jake?
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: nope, I get really hot in the bath or shower, so I can't stay in long, or I get claustrophobic, unless I take a cold shower (which I am very fond of)
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: well, I was part of the set design. I never had the guts to audition. My friend ended up getting the leading role, I was to chicken to try out for.
l o v e
BOYFRIEND: Yes I do.
GIRLFRIEND: No. I think he would be jealous.
SEXUALITY: always up for something.
CHILDREN: d yes, not to be bias, but he is the best kid ever
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: all of them except for 2.
BEEN HURT?: hurt, hurt? try bashed open with a pick axe and torn apart with malicious intent then being super glued back together with lies and pity.
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: Something I really can't mention. But yes, I do have one regret that I can think of. - little butterfly
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: yep. I believe my first boyfriend was someone I met a half an hour prior to our courtship.
r a n d o m
DO YOU HAVE A JOB: yes (got I start tomorrow)
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: T broke the CD player on the stereo and on the computer, but I am still listening to portishead.
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: the red crayon. Everyone wants the damn red crayon.
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: The boys, music, art, writing, words, a great hair cut, foot massage, chocolate
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST? Tristen, Nathan, Donna, Nick, Cynthia, Jake,Greg, and JESS - can't ever forget my BEST FRIEND JESS!!!!!!! o_O
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: i will illegally download. *nods*
WHO DO YOU CONSIDER GOOD FRIENDS?: See above list on who makes me the happiest.
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: play with photoshop, write, color on the walls with T, sulk, have great sex, la la la...
w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t
YOU CRIED: New Years Eve - told you New Years always freaks me out.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: a couple of weeks ago. Which reminds me I must write a few letters today.
YOU GOT E-MAIL: today. - damn spam mail.
THING YOU PURCHASED: printer and groceries
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: no idea.
y o u r t h o u g h t s o n
ABORTION: see previous post some where on this site.
TEENAGE SMOKING: against
SPICE GIRLS: who gives a shit?
DREAMS: mine are so messed up and vivid. I have about 4 different dreams a night. It really gets exhausting.
*******
ok this took about an hour. Yeah, I am definitely dry now - I can go put on some clothes and do some laundry. :(
Saturday, January 3
Thursday, January 1
interestingly enough
Rasputin, a famed Russian court mystic, was beaten, castrated (his penis flung across the room) then He was subsequently shot several times and thrown into a frozen river on December 30th 1916.
I forgot to post this on the December 30th post. I thought it would be a fun little "did you know" type thing. Oh well. Poor guy - he did prove to put up a damn good fight ! Anyway, moving on...
********
Well Happy New Year to you all. The dawn of the new year frightens me and I become crazy mad and paranoid. I think I watched too many "end of the world" documentaries as a child. Most of the time they talked of Armageddon happening on new years day - or something close to it. So on the count down last night I raced outside in my new little granny slippers( I so graciously received for Christmas) and to my surprise there was no sign of a fiery mass of burning meteor plummeting toward earth. Whew. Safe for another year. Unless of course at some point in time (perhaps in the Dark Ages) we lost track of time and our calendar is off, and the actual dawn of a new year....Isn't for another week or so. That would really be horrible. I know the calendar is off a bit, it has to be, but I am not for sure how much.
I always have a recurring nightmare of the entire world burning up in flames from a very large meteor and/or atomic blast. In my dream last night, Indianapolis was bombed and the racing circle of radiation, fire, and toxic gas was in site and there was nothing I could do. Then I died . :(
But before I went to sleep I was thinking also of the Mayan calendar and why it ends on December 23 2025 (right? I am pulling that from memory so I may be off a couple of days). I woke Nathan up to ask him why he thought it meant and he just said "it is simply the day the calendar stopped." Anyway, there is the huge thing that the world will end on that day too. And I keep thinking, shit, Tristen won't even have a chance to graduate college by then. - Something has to give. I hate that I am so gullible to anything remotely morbid and devastating.
I just need some faith!
Faith that there is something after life. That death is not the end to your thoughts and memories. I don't want to reincarnate into something, I don't want my energy to be dispersed among the universe. I just want to spend eternity with my family. Everyday damn day I feel that it won't happen. EVERY DAY I see things that remind me of how quickly life will end and there will be nothing to hold on to. THIS IS TRAGEDY PEOPLE.
I envy people who have such a strong faith that they don't worry about this because they truly believe there is a heaven. I really do. I wish I could have that sense of security ... But I can't.
Hello death phobia....Why don't you control my life a little bit more?
Rasputin, a famed Russian court mystic, was beaten, castrated (his penis flung across the room) then He was subsequently shot several times and thrown into a frozen river on December 30th 1916.
I forgot to post this on the December 30th post. I thought it would be a fun little "did you know" type thing. Oh well. Poor guy - he did prove to put up a damn good fight ! Anyway, moving on...
********
Well Happy New Year to you all. The dawn of the new year frightens me and I become crazy mad and paranoid. I think I watched too many "end of the world" documentaries as a child. Most of the time they talked of Armageddon happening on new years day - or something close to it. So on the count down last night I raced outside in my new little granny slippers( I so graciously received for Christmas) and to my surprise there was no sign of a fiery mass of burning meteor plummeting toward earth. Whew. Safe for another year. Unless of course at some point in time (perhaps in the Dark Ages) we lost track of time and our calendar is off, and the actual dawn of a new year....Isn't for another week or so. That would really be horrible. I know the calendar is off a bit, it has to be, but I am not for sure how much.
I always have a recurring nightmare of the entire world burning up in flames from a very large meteor and/or atomic blast. In my dream last night, Indianapolis was bombed and the racing circle of radiation, fire, and toxic gas was in site and there was nothing I could do. Then I died . :(
But before I went to sleep I was thinking also of the Mayan calendar and why it ends on December 23 2025 (right? I am pulling that from memory so I may be off a couple of days). I woke Nathan up to ask him why he thought it meant and he just said "it is simply the day the calendar stopped." Anyway, there is the huge thing that the world will end on that day too. And I keep thinking, shit, Tristen won't even have a chance to graduate college by then. - Something has to give. I hate that I am so gullible to anything remotely morbid and devastating.
I just need some faith!
Faith that there is something after life. That death is not the end to your thoughts and memories. I don't want to reincarnate into something, I don't want my energy to be dispersed among the universe. I just want to spend eternity with my family. Everyday damn day I feel that it won't happen. EVERY DAY I see things that remind me of how quickly life will end and there will be nothing to hold on to. THIS IS TRAGEDY PEOPLE.
I envy people who have such a strong faith that they don't worry about this because they truly believe there is a heaven. I really do. I wish I could have that sense of security ... But I can't.
Hello death phobia....Why don't you control my life a little bit more?