charisma: forerunner of respect.


AOL has an article on global warming. In light of the movie, “ The Day after Tomorrow”. Hello, global warming has been an issue for YEARS. Why does it take so much for our attention to flock to important issues? Why can’t one just be interested without all the propaganda? Why do we suck so much?

****
The downside of going to church is the fact that I have this propensity to sit and have a conversation with the minister instead of just listening. He talks…I think…I want to carry on with this discussion but no, he has to be the only one talking. I had a burning question for him but no, it would have been taboo for me to stop the sermon and ask my little question. Perhaps, I can persuade the church to have open discussions….of course that would require people to actually listen.

******

Did you know that Andy Kaufman isn’t dead? Hmmmph. Nice one Andy, Did you bring Elvis back too? I have never seen the movie Man on the Moon. I may rent it sometime soon. I heard you are a nut.

****

The intensity of this basement moment. Cleansing fury to wash down the gutter, with the rain.

hello My name is TFUB.

Crappy is a perfect adjective for my day (last 3 days in all its pathetic reality). Roller coaster of depression and emotion, I slept for 7 hours today, only to have intense nightmares that forced me to wake up in a disoriented cloud.

I keep falling into the comforting roll of being destructive. This isn’t a surprise for me. I have habitual phases of mental instability. This is one of those brilliant times.

If anyone has a car they would like to give me, feel free. Mine decided to die yesterday.
If you are reading this, you must come and visit me. I am being smothered by this small ignorant little town. I have no car to leave. Upon your arrival you must either bring 1.chocolate 2.alcohol 3. a happy movie 4. Any kind of present.

Salvia is not a good idea for me right now. Oops.

Hiv Positive want to fuck? Version 2
(a brief apology)

Over a year ago, I made a loud intrusive post about a video that I happened to see at a party on campus. I ran in to the maker of said video last night and I confronted him about it. (Yes I know, its a little late for confrontations here, Shush) He calmly and openly told me information that I did not know, information that made more sense. Even though I still think the video was wrong, But, it is his freedom of speech and is his right to voice whatever emotion screams inside of him. The woman in the video knew everything she needed to know to protect herself. (I have been told that by a number of different sources) The airing of this video did not carry the exact message that I assumed. I am a presumptuous ass.

I apologize for my intrusion on this matter. And for being judgmental on this issue because the subject matter was something I was not willing to understand or begin to try to. Granted, the fact that I too have that same freedom to voice my concern, I will step up when that concern went off on a fling before all the correct information could be gathered. I should have confronted him from the beginning. Fear stopped me from doing so. Fear that was perpetuated by rumors. Last night I realized, he just a guy with some amazing gifts that surprised me. No need for fear there.

Once again, I apologize.

southern rain

Why is Texas Justice always the only thing on the one channel I get? Did the Judge just say "yaaber" with the meaning of "to speak" ?*sobs*

That's ok, I hate TV anyway. I just like to see that other people do exist in this world outside of my family. It seems like they are the only people I have contact with outside of the walls of my house and/or the message box of Yahoo (except when Jess saves me)

***
I am expecting a nasty letter from the Public Library soon. They keep haggling me about a some book about Che - my fiance checked out a long time ago. You have to admire his "I am going to be a hippie/I hate Hippies" change in mentality. Come on honey, You don't have to kill trees!

*****

So the idea that I would look for spirituality in church has faded. I only made it to church once. These things never last long for me. One week I told the fiance I wanted to go to a Buddhist monastery for a couple months. I was serious. I was planning on going that weekend. Whew...Glad that 'I have to do this or I will die' notion extinguished itself quickly.

Oooommmmmm


******

Why do I neglect my soul? I haven't given it candy in so long. My Windows Media player is growing some kind of mold - until tonight.

Sing your heart out Ben. I am still breathing Mr. Beethoven. I love you too Portishead. Crack a bottle of Jack upside my head Maynard...You know you have missed the abuse!

***

You suck and that's sad

Jess stopped by to see me today. I decided to drop T off at my meddling grandmothers for an hour. On my way out of grandma's house I grabbed a coke. Jess nearly wet herself when she saw I was about to drink a whole 29 grams of carbs. She made me feel so guilty I had to pour it out of the window and grab a warm diet cherry coke from the back seat. She relaxed. I guess this carb craziness thing has everyone in a panic. Like two mothers who don't have their kids for an hour, we were bored and had no idea what to do with ourselves. We decided to rehash old times and we went to the park to swing. You know something? Swinging is a damn good time. Who would have thunk it?

She is the by far the greatest best friend bitch to have.

****


you are the "you suck, and that's sad"
happy bunny. your truthful, but can be a bit
brutal.


which happy bunny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I love the effin happy bunny!

pulling teeth

I have that itchy feeling of needing to create something. But not just something. EVERY DAMN THING. I want to spend ridiculous amounts of time designing and stenciling my little heart away on cheap wooden boxes, all for the sake of making them look pretty. I also just spent 3 long hours searching google for random “artistic” pictures that I deem worthy of printing on an iron on transfer – in hopes to make my perfect summer tank top wardrobe complete (I want to open up an online store and sell the wonderful pieces of work!)

I have a tackle box filled with precious stones, glass beads, charms, hemp, wooden beads, different size wire, backs to earrings, etc. Do I actually make fantastic jewelry out of all this shit? nope. That is in the closet with the bag of paintbrushes, unopened acrylic paint, pastels, charcoal, Rubber stamps, foam stamps, stencils, a years worth of magazines that I can’t bring myself to throw away, beautiful pieces of fabric that I find for in clearance isles in evil corporate department stores, ETC.

Do you see the sickness here?

I love the idea of having a hobby. I treasure it and bathe in the possibility of exploring my talents.

I just can’t fall in love with one and stick with it. I have to try everything and never finish one project. AAHHHHHHH!

* Photography (SLR style and Digital)
* Playing the guitar (is that my fender over there untouched for 5 years?)
* Jewelry making
* Stained glass art (the box filled with pieces of glass resides in my basement, never opened since the day it was bought)
* Journal writing (HELLO 5 or 6 notebooks, filled with half written entries, bad poetry, words that filled me with inspiration, etc)
* sewing (piles of fabric, and how-to patterns, never looked at)
* Web page design (illegally acquired software on my POS computer is still piling up)
Scapbooking (my scrapbook since 8th grade, is pathetic)
* Being a scholar (let me show you to the collection of fantastic books bought at garage sales and barnes and nobles. Let me look at you blankly when you ask me what they are about.)
* Blogging (4 blogs in 3 years)
* Stamp Collecting (don’t ask)
* Online store
* song writing
* professional singer (that karaoke machine was expensive!)



This is my disease. Yes, hello.

clean Me, Please

A little over a week ago it rained. Not just a drizzle, but a cosmic down pour of stimulating tears followed by thunder that took a jackhammer to your soul. Oh my!

It was in the middle of the night. I desperately wanted to go outside be naked in the rain. DESPERATELY.

I have a problem with doing this. 1. Really old creepy neighbor next door 2. Ever watchful aunt that lives across the street 3. A children's park that is lit up like a search light also right across the street.

I made a compromise.

I stripped down naked. Put on a silk robe (didn't tie it), stood in the shadowed part of my porch and HELLO - I was thrown into the ecstasy of half nakedness in the rain!

I wish I lived in the country.

Try it sometime, if you haven't yet.

absurdity.Tickles Me

Why do I frequent the online dictionary/thesaurus for pleasure ? Why is Mr. Tarentino obsessed with violence (why do I love it)? Why have I not gotten out of my pajamas today? (well, I can answer that. I love running around town in my pajamas. It drives my family crazy)

*****

I am moving to Georgia soon (and getting married, I think *gasp*). Will I develop an annoying southern accent or the cute kind? If all else fails I can just start spouting lines from Gone With the Wind.

****

I really hope by clicking on the link for the word Inspiration on beilf.net will really give me inspiration.

WHERE IS MY DAMN MUSE?

Hope and Memory

Thanks adbusters :)

I do not have writers block already
I do not have writers block already
I do not have writers block already
I do have writers block already and I hate me for it.

Shit smells.

My sister cut my hair today. This is hilarious. She 'layered' my hair which really means it looks like chunks were cut out using a piece of glass. I don't mind though, my hair is really long so you can't really tell.

I have this strong desire to go to BW3's every Friday. Where are my parental instincts? Where did they go? I think I pissed them away after those drinks last Friday. I had such a great time with Jess. We were witnesses to a theft, a teenager with an insanely large buldge in his pants (i had to ask if he had a sock in there), more Salvia experiences, and an old creepy guy straight out of the 70's. Why did I have so much fun? I think I miss being young and stupid. Yes, that is it. It was brillaint to have a night of stupidity. Oh, yes it was.

I am so effin tired of 1.2.3 Count with me and The Wiggles. Someone smash my TV and then explain to my son that it can never be turned on again. PLEASE. I love my son, I truly and honestly do. It is just a rainy day, we can't go outside. We are stuck inside together, being annoyed and whining at each other. Together we are making each other insane. Such a nice bonding experience today. *SCREAMS*

See, the thing is…

I will not run from things that make me uncomfortable and unhappy. This is why I am republishing this site and my archives - To get back what I had started and to aspire to create more. I am walking along an evolving spiritual path – to share.

I am happy to be writing again for an audience - whoever that may be. I am happy again to be writing for myself.

In my absence I have discovered some things:

- The band Songs:Ohia
- Sacrifice really is something one has to endure to be happy
- blogger still pisses me off
- Long Island Iced Tea is very good
- I have become addicted to spiritual chat rooms in Yahoo
- Midget porn is not funny, it is damn frightening
- What the hell is ' ' and why is it always showing up in my code?
- Fear is something we all need to dive into and overcome. I hate that. It is so much easier said than done…how can you willingly put yourself in fear to work through it? It is very hard.
- oh yeah, Bartending is not as fun as I thought it would be (I think I made a hell of a bar tender though)

Thanks for coming back.

"though it was under those conditions
we were free
under those conditions
and i can tell by that look
you were thinking the same thing to"

And now its lights out.