*dies* i don't know why I find this so hilarious. Maybe because I can see myself doing this. Maybe because I am quite mad this morning... 

a shot of Tool in my coffee!!

GOOD MORNING!
I feel alive and ready. I am half working and half relaxing over my morning cup of coffee. I feel so good today. I have new clothes on. I am planning something beautiful for a Halloween appearance. The rest is a secret, well almost I had to tell Chris and Ron.....get the initial 'that would be kick ass' kind of thing...Chris and Ron.......I love them both. People get angry at me because they think I am playing a game with them. I always seem to give that impression on others and it normally bothers me and hurts me considerably. Sometimes it makes me so angry that I act on defiance with myself to prove them right. I can honestly say that doesn’t happen nearly as much as it used to.
Can I help it if I love them? Can I help it if I love two brothers too? CAN I!?!?!?! the thing is....I love a lot of people. (Much of said people are men and generally have the same kind of characteristics, but not always.) Which is also why I am distant because I don’t know what to do with all that emotion. Typically, social gatherings make me very uneasy.
What is a sulky and strange girl to do? I'll tell you what she does. She loves them all in her own way - trying to make sense of this fickle emotion and keep on a straight and narrow path. It is a tenacious path that NEVER once seems straight and/or narrow. She tries not to hurt or be hurt….but most of the time; it never works out that easily. Really, she just wants someone to stand in front of her and with a firm grasp as she puts up a fight. She wants someone to look into her eyes while she tries to hide them. She just wants someone to comfort and know that terribly worried and scared soul that she never wants you to see.

Great. How is this to start off one’s work week? Intense and magnificent!!! Not a normal choice but I’ll take it. It may prove to be too overwhelming at some point. I may break…or I may break free.

P.s. Thanks Ralph, The Lacuna Coil cd is EXCELLENT!!!

because you love her too.... 

I have Emily all over my filing cabinet. She makes me laugh.  

see you monday

I took a short nap at the Union today. It was noisy because they are having welcome back events for the students. I woke up startled and a pool of spittle was just starting to form in the corner of my mouth…remember those days in high school where you would fall asleep in class and the first thing you would do is wipe your mouth off – just in case? It was kind of like that. I love seeing students asleep in the most random places around campus. Here in the library chairs, in the 'powder room' in the ladies bathroom, on the fluffy green grass out side, and of course scattered among the loveseats strategically placed throughout the many buildings. Actually, the proper term is not a loveseat. You’ve seen them, those tiny couches but not a loveseat – two cushions…They are more….professional looking than a loveseat….. Hmmm….nothing is coming to mind. Anyway.
I also wanted to let everyone know that I am now only a (very limited) social smoker!!! I have had ZERO (yep that’s right!) cigarettes today – and its nearly 5. (2 yesterday and 3 the day before that) I will admit that I may have a few tonight, I am going out and I think *wince* alcohol (in moderation, of course) may be involved.
It may rain tonight, a lot of things may happen tonight. Hopefully, there will be no hospital visits and no drama that will tag along. Well, a tiny bit of drama wouldn’t hurt. I am starting to get a tad bored with the no drama life. TINY bit though….I won’t instigate…..a whole lot.

Have a great weekend!